Livre/"La peur d'aimer"

La peur d'aimer
Trad. de : "Getting to commitment"
Par Steven Carter et Julia Sokol, 1998

Résumé

Quatrième de couverture

Dans le monde de l'amour et de l'intimité, nous sommes souvent nos pires ennemis.Nous sabotons nos relations, nous gâchons toutes nos chances, nous accrochant à des partenaires qui ne nous conviennent pas et laissant échapper de véritables occasions de bonheur.

Cet ouvrage explique comment nous pouvons progresser vers le changement afin de trouver l'amour que nous méritons. Vous y apprendrez à reconnaître et à surmonter les huit principaux obstacles susceptibles de se dresser entre vous et l'être avec qui vous pouvez vivre une relation durable.Vous saurez enfin discerner les personnes qui présentent des possibilités vraiment intéressantes et entretenir des rapports harmonieux avec celles qui vous tiennent le plus à cœur. Que vous ayez vous-même des difficultés à envisager l'idée de l'engagement ou que le manque d'enthousiasme affecte plutôt votre partenaire, ce livre vous donnera à tous deux les moyens de comprendre et de résoudre vos conflits.

Amazon.com Review

Do your relationships always crash? Do your married friends wonder what's wrong? "They write sitcoms about people like us," says "commitmentphobia" expert Steven Carter, "but it looks a lot more fun on the small screen than it feels in real life." The problem may be your fear of the risks of intimacy and commitment. Carter himself was a closet "commitmentphobic" when he wrote Men Who Can't Love. Now, in Getting to Commitment, he explains how to break those patterns and forge intimate connections--as he has done in his own life.

Carter sees eight hurdles between you and the relationship you deserve. He deftly analyzes each problem, points out self-destructive nonsolutions, and explains the steps necessary to break the barrier. For example, one hurdle is blaming your partners' shortcomings for the failure of previous relationships. Breaking the pattern involves seeing how you choose particular partners and self-destruct in relationships--going from blame to responsibility. Other hurdles include relationship-history ghosts, living in fantasy, and ineffective behavior patterns. "If we are to experience intimacy, our hearts have to be brave as well as loving," says Carter. Getting to Commitment will help you find that courage. Highly recommended.

Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Author (with Sokol) of the bestselling Men Who Can't Love, Carter, again writing with Sokol, offers advice here for both men and women with "commitmentphobia." While recognizing the "hard work" of long-term relationships, he focuses almost exclusively on "old choices, old habits, old fantasies, old programs, old language, old doubts, and old fears" that sabotage relationships in their very early stages.

Carter claims that by examining and clearing out these impediments, "[t]he possibility for real love and commitment slowly blossoms in front of you like a beautiful flower." He thoroughly explores the need to stop blaming, and to understand and release old relationship "ghosts"; to develop and maintain a healthy sense of self and "self-protection"; distinguish fantasy from reality; reveal your true self; accept differences and imperfections; change old patterns; and work through anxieties.

Commitment to a relationship, according to Carter, requires time, desire, energy, risk, help (from friends, family, support groups and professional therapists), mutual effort and faith. Most of all, he warns, it takes "courage." Readers will find understanding and wise counsel here for difficult feelings and self-defeating behaviors that may be hard to face, from a man who shares his own commitment fears and how he overcame them. 50,000 first printing; author tour.

Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

(http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Commitment-Overcoming-Obstacles-Connection/dp/0871319055)

Site consacré à l'ouvrage

http://commitmentphobia.com/main.htm

(avec résumé, interview de l'auteur, etc.)